Dad: a Full-Time Job
By IAN HICKS Staff WriterArticle Photos
WHEELING - Fatherhood is a commitment that men must make 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
It's a challenge many dads are meeting in various ways these days, as the concept of the "modern dad" becomes ever more popular the notion that fathers are just as responsible as mothers for the everyday nurturing of their children.
For example, "modern dads" cook, clean house and play chauffeur for their children. The term "stay-at-home" dad is one that was not often heard a generation ago. Many dads with careers still find themselves more involved on a day-to-day basis in their children's lives. It's the recognition that a father's connections to his children go well beyond the biological.
Some local dads say just being there for their children and staying involved in their daily routine makes all the difference.
Walt Saunders lives in Bethlehem with his four children - Hannah, 11, Laral, 9, Ronnie, 7, and Kailynn, 5. He is a single father and assistant principal at Warwood Middle School. Saunders will take over as head principal at Triadelphia Middle School in the fall.
When asked how he manages to balance a career with staying involved with his children, he said, "I don't know. It just a commitment ... to put them first."
Fathers are taking more of an interest than ever in their children's education, according to the National Center for Fathering and National Parent Teacher Association. Saunders said he likes to think that his status as an educator translates to a higher level of involvement in his children's schooling.
"But I am definitely more involved when I get home," he said, noting that his children will not attend Triadelphia Middle School, where he will be principal.
"I don't think I'd wish that on them," he said, adding that distinction could lead to teasing from classmates.
Another local family demonstrates daily that the bond between a father and his children doesn't end when children reach adulthood.
Jay Adams of Wheeling, who has three grown sons Chad, also of Wheeling; Jamie, who lives with his wife Erin in Fairfax, Va.; and Jason, who recently graduated from Princeton University agrees that commitment is the key.
"Family comes before your career always," he said.
Jay Adams said that's never been a difficult rule for him to follow.
"I've been blessed with three people who are not only my sons but my best friends," he said. "We have a respect for each other, and we can talk openly with each other and express ourselves."
Chad Adams, who lives only a few streets from Jay, said his relationship with his father has been immeasurably important.
"Dad is someone that you lean on for a lot of different things. It's important to have trust and open lines of communication."
For Saunders, being a single father and equally sharing custody with the mother of his children has presented a unique challenge.
"The time without them is certainly much more difficult than the time with them," he said, adding it can be hard to go from being the center of their needs to them not being around.
Beyond that, finding time to spend individually with each of his four children can be a challenge, he said. He is a coach on his son's baseball team, and his two eldest daughters also play softball. He makes sure to attend all their games, usually with the entire family in tow.
Saunders is confident the time he spends with them will pay dividends.
"I believe that the more time I put in with them, the better off they'll be in the long run," he said.
As the father of adult sons, Jay Adams has seen the benefits that committing to be a good father can provide. He said he maintains a strong relationship with all three sons on a daily basis, even though they've grown up and begun lives of their own.
"We talk on the phone every day, about everything and nothing," Chad Adams said of his father. Jay noted that not a day goes by that he doesn't communicate in some way with each of his sons, and he added that they communicate amongst themselves on a regular basis. He recalled his son Jason's recent graduation from Princeton, which Chad and Jamie both attended.
Chad said he wants to pass on the lessons he learned from his father now that he has children of his own a son Ashton, 4, a daughter Savannah, 2, and another baby girl due to arrive in August. As a coach of his son's soccer team and a regular helper with his hockey program, Chad appears to have a good start in following in his dad's footsteps.
"My relationship with my dad has completely influenced the dad that I am today," he said. "The neat thing is, our family is a team. We're a unit."
Jay Adams said leading by example is the key, paraphrasing a quote he'd heard before, though he was unsure of its source: "The most important thing a father can do is show his kids how much he loves their mother," he recalled, adding, "That's the deal, right there."
Jay and Chad said the common bonds of soccer, faith and Chad's children have been very important in allowing them to continue fostering their relationship.
"Spending time with one another becomes either a priority or a non-priority," Jay said. "There can be a lot of distractions TV, the Internet but you can put them down at the end of the day."
Saunders said being a father has many rewards, remarking that it "means the world" to him when he receives a compliment about one of his children.
"It shows that the trials and tribulations of my life are starting to pay dividends. When they do something well, it's an accomplishment for me," he said.
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bbmcfarland
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06-22-09 11:49 AM
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The dads in this article are great examples of excellent fathers. Thanks, Ian, for telling readers their stories! And thanks, Walt, Chad and Jay, for sharing!
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rockdrummer
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06-22-09 10:13 AM
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NO, she is not buying drugs. I was using that as an example of the unchecked system. The system is very flawed. It doesn't matter how much time you spend with your kids, it doesn't matter how much money you pay, it doesn't matter how much you do. It doesn't matter how much you earn. It doesn't matter. If you pay child support, and you are current with your payments, it should not be reported as a debt on your credit report. If you receive child support, you should have to report it, and pay taxes on that income. And Men, if your ex is threatening to not let you see your children because of a support issue, REMEMBER that the two things are not related!! Get an attorney! She can NOT prevent you from seeing your kids and the kids NEED you in their lives.
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Dilbert
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06-22-09 7:50 AM
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Rock, I would HOPE that if your ex is using her child support payments to buy drugs, then you REPORT HER. Doesn't matter who she is, if she is around YOUR KIDS than you do what is right by them. I see both sides of this issue, but YOU neeed ot be focused on one thing: being a positive, good role model for your children - nothing less - no matter the circumstances. There ARE a lot of fathers who slack in this job and fail - but you do not have to be one of them - it is within your control.
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rockdrummer
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06-22-09 2:30 AM
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How about this?? I adore my kids. I pay child support religiously. BUT!!!! Because I DO PAY child support, I am punished. Why? Well, child support is PRE-TAX, which means that I pay taxes on that money, but the mom does not. So it is fre income to her. She doesn't have to claim it on taxes, she can spend as she sees fit. She can buy a new car, she can buy drugs, she can do whatever she wants. BUT>>>> it is on my credit report as a debt. Even if it is completely current and up to date. It still shows as an unpaid debt. Know where this started? WIth NFL playerd who have five kids with five different women. These women banded together to attack the millions of dollars that these guys make. Which is fine. But us working guys that pay on time every month have to suffer. So tell me how womderful it is to deal with that!!!
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EllisWyatt
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06-21-09 6:48 PM
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Hoopie This idea that employers or fellow taxpayers are somehow responsible for your health care is a recent development. It was 1945 before employers offered the benefits we know today and then only to get around Harry Truman's post WWII wage controls. Your employer and your neighbor are no more responsible for your health care than they are for your life, homeowners, auto or disability insurances. You work, your employer pays you a wage. With this wage, you purchase things that you need. Health care costs have exploded because of Third Party involvement. This has removed from people a true understanding of the cost of care. Not only would health care be cheaper if we removed government and insurance bureucracies, it would be more efficient, as well. If the entire country was suddenly without health insurance, would could providers do? They would have to treat people at costs most people could afford.
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LynneS
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06-21-09 6:36 PM
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Happy Father's Day to all of the responsible men in the world. But let's face it, there's so many crummy irresponsible, negligent, half-grown men out there that it's a wonder the country hasn't imploded.
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Mountaineer4life
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06-21-09 4:11 PM
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ELLISWYATT: I finally agree with you on something!!!
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florida
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06-21-09 4:01 PM
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Wish Dad was still here so I could tell him "Happy Fathers Day." If I'm half the father he was to me, then I'm doing some right.
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wvhoopie
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06-21-09 3:02 PM
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Too bad there aren't enough living wage jobs with health care and pension benefits. That's when dad could bring home the paycheck and mom stayed at home. Those days are long gone. Today, many hold two or three jobs just to survive and the kids are plopped infront of a tv or video game while the parents work low wage, no benefit jobs. Times sure have changed. America has lowed its standards to compete with the world. What a shame.
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EllisWyatt
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06-21-09 1:39 PM
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For single dads, you don't have a choice. For two parent households, a father should NEVER be "just as responsible as mothers for the everyday nurturing of their children." One of the major reasons why our youth are lacking male or female identities is that the father is absent or, if he is present, he is the weaker partner in a relationship. Thousands of years of interaction have molded us to understand that fathers and mothers have a distinct role. Mothers nurture. Fathers discipline, and lead by example. Spoiled, "nurtured" children as lead to a society of texting. neutered males. "Girls were girls and men were men"? Only in Archie's younger days. Today, you can't tell the difference. As I said, single parents cannot help this and the men in this story seem to be doing a great job. Happy Father's day to them, and to all responsible fathers, wherever they are.
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